Beware: The below includes facts, reports, opinions and speculations about, cannibalism, graveyards, murder, supernatural phenomenons, bugs, and other such morbidly fascinating topics. Not for the faint of heart. Here, have this picture of a baby bunny while you decide whether or not to go on:
Are you ready? Are you prepared? I will warn you again, you will never be able to unread these. A few are merely morbid, but some are deeply disturbing. What, you’re reading it anyway? Really? Well. In that case, prepare yourself for
FACT NUMBER ONE: Human flesh apparently, according to cannibals, tastes just like veal. What is veal? Baby cow meat. Humans taste like baby cows, particularly when barbecued and served with the appropriate sauce. Fascinating, and extremely revolting. Hands up, who is never, ever going to eat veal ever (again, if you’ve eaten it)? Yeah, I thought so. Ew. That’s crossing a line, right there. Cannibalism is gross and weirdly fascinating. I thought I’d start with a bang. You’re welcome.
FACT NUMBER TWO: On average, every bar of chocolate contains three insect legs. This is, while not as disturbing as the previous fact, much more relevant to our daily lives. You’re rethinking every bar of chocolate you’ve ever had, right now, aren’t you? I certainly am. It’s amazing how much science you force yourself to forget in order to survive. For example, the fact that everything you’ve ever eaten or drunk has been inhabited by microscopic bacteria. In the case of things like cheeses, pickles, and breads, they were introduced intentionally, for flavor. But, I mean, come on, it”s not like you’d ever eat a chocolate covered bug. Oh. Oops. For the record, you’ve probably eaten over 5000 insect legs in your lifetime. At least.
FACT NUMBER THREE: There are more organisms living on your skin than there are people on the planet. It’s almost fascinating, if you don’t think too hard about things that look like tiny caterpillars with enormous fanged mouths living on you, or mites, or the billions of bacteria, or… Oh, whoops, too late. I hope you shower often. But still, it’s almost like you’re a planet, isn’t it? I wonder if there are any sentient microbes. That would be fascinating. A really interesting thing to explore in science fiction.
FACT NUMBER FOUR: China has mobile execution vans. I wish I was joking. They actually have cars equipped with lethal injection supplies and other things that get shipped out to rural villages without that equipment. It’s almost dystopian. And who drives these vans, anyway? What do they tell their friends, oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, I kill people for a living. Apparently, one of the main reasons for these vans is so that they can use lethal injections to preserve the organs intact for sale on the black market. China is insane. (No offense to any Chinese people who may read this.)
FACT NUMBER FIVE: This one is also about the death penalty, and may induce a new phobia. In Uzbekistan, they boil their criminals to death. I’m not going to elaborate on that because otherwise I’d have to picture it and I’m already fighting back an urge to giggle half-hysterically about lobsters. No. Ew. No, no, no. Uzbekistan is hardcore. Remind me not to commit any crimes in Uzbekistan.
FACT NUMBER SIX: Aokigahara Forest is the second most common place to commit suicide in the world. (The first is the Golden Gate Bridge.) Every year about 70 corpses are found by volunteers who clean up the woods, but many more are lost in the thick undergrowth of the massive forest, or eaten by animals. The number has jumped after the ending of a manga in which two lovers commit double suicide in the forest. …Charming.
FACT NUMBER SEVEN: On August 7, 1994, instead of rain the inhabitants of Oakville, Washington, witnessed literally thousands of gelatinous blobs falling from the sky. Immediately, they began to get sick, with flu symptoms that lasted anywhere from 7 weeks to 3 months. After being analyzed, it was discovered that the blobs contained human white blood cells and a kind of bacteria that exists in the human digestive system. Nobody knows where they came from or how they got to Oakville.
FACT NUMBER EIGHT: A person is murdered in the United States once every 23 minutes, which is around 22,900 murders a year. Every year, 23,400 people are arrested on murder charges. Which begs the question, how many of those people are innocent? Does “arrested” equal “convicted”? Or are they simply counting anyone who’s been a murder suspect? Collaborators? I know for a fact that not all murder cases are solved, so it’s an interesting statistic.
FACT NUMBER NINE: If you have your head chopped off, it’s estimated you will survive for seven seconds before all of the blood drains from your brain. You’ll have enough time to ponder the oddness of not having a body. I mean. If you can think past the excruciating pain and shock of having all of your major nerves severed.
FACT NUMBER TEN: At one point, biographies were commonly bound in the subject’s skin after execution. It was a service people paid for, so that after their deaths, someone would skin them, write their biography, and then bind the biography with their skin. Ewwww. EW. I mean, fascinating, but so, so gross. Person leather. PERSON. LEATHER. So weird.