The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies.

Last week, I saved up my money and got myself a ticket to The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies. The Hobbit: BOTFA is the last of the three movies adapted from J.R.R Tolkien’s book The Hobbit. It’s a prequel to the Lord of the Rings. Everyone had been telling me how good it was, and how much I absolutely needed to see it, so I humored them.

I went to see the 2:10 showing on Friday afternoon, with a smuggled bag of Rollos candy in my pocket. I forgot to eat before I left, but I wasn’t all that hungry, so it was okay until I was sitting in the darkened movie theater with tiny invisible squirrels gnawing on my gut and my hands shaking from low blood sugar. I carefully rationed the Rollos, eating them one at a time until they raised my blood sugar enough that the hunger pangs subsided and I could move without shaking. Definitely not the healthiest life choice, but I didn’t have any money left over for overpriced concession stand corn dogs.

The movie was really great at catching my emotions and taking them for a wild roller coaster ride. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, and gasping every ten minutes. It’s a good thing there were only about ten other people in the theater, or I probably would have utterly embarrassed myself. I won’t give any spoilers, in case you haven’t read the book or seen the movie yet, but I will provide you with a carefully edited review.


I like Thorin Oakenshield much better in the movies than the book. (Sacrilege! But it’s true.) Book!Thorin’s main motivation is to reclaim the gold from the mountain. Movie!Thorin wants his home back, and a new life for his people. This makes it all the more tragic when he [redacted].

I loved the roles of Galadriel and Tauriel in the movie, especially since the original hobbit book had absolutely no women in it. Maybe, maybe Lobelia Sackville-Baggins in the last ten pages, stealing Bilbo’s spoons. Kudos to the Hobbit team for creating a brand new and important female character in Tauriel, and giving Galadriel such a large and powerful role. They do have the whole female-elves-are-beautiful-and-peaceful-and-mystical creatures thing going on, except for that one part where Tauriel actually shouts at Thranduil. (Is that a spoiler?) That was a great part.

Bard is awesome and amazing and his kids are awesome and amazing too. He reminds me of Aragorn, since he cares about his people and has a strong sense of morals. He does not want war, or to kill, but he will if he has to, and I really admire that. The kids are terrified but being so brave.

Bilbo is, as always, amazing, Martin Freeman’s acting bringing the character to vivid life. He is desperate and sad and terrified without being obvious about it, and he is willing to sacrifice everything for his friends.

I cried steadily through the last ten minutes of the movie. Every single character was well-developed, except for that one slimy guy, but hey, nobody wants to sympathize with him. The cinematography was beautiful, and I left the movie feeling like an ancient and sorrowful Elven queen, so there’s that.

You should definitely take some time out of your lives to go see The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies.

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1 Response to The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies.

  1. tschiller says:

    What a well written review! It made me feel the essence of the movie and want to go see it. That sucks about the hunger thing.

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